Cameronmills

Reflections by Cameron Mills

I have lived a blessed life. Got saved at seven. Had a happy childhood, a loving home. My parents are still
married. I had the opportunity to fulfill a dream of playing basketball at the University of Kentucky. When my
time at UK was done I was given hundreds and hundreds of invitations to share my faith beginning the full
time ministry which I felt called to at the age of twelve. Oh, I had struggles here and there, frustrations, had
even gone through times where I felt as though Satan was focusing on me. Life could be tough but I still
considered myself very blessed as there were more times of happiness and joy than hard times and
sadness. God was certainly good.

The turn of the century brought about a turn in my life however. On January 1, 2000, I was married to a
young lady I had met at an athletic ministries conference. She and I were excited about the life of ministry we
were going to start together.

I imagine very few people go into a marriage with real doubts about the chances they have of a lasting
marriage. I think Christians especially, have little doubt. My wife and I were no different. We were in love
and I don’t think either of us thought “it” was going to happen to us. But it did. A mere year and a half into
our marriage and “it” was happening. My wife left and three months later I received a call from her attorney.

I was devastated. Never in my life had I ever been so defeated, afraid, or lonely. As soon as I hung up with
her attorney I called my brother asking him to come stay with me for a day or so just so the house wasn’t
empty. I was as low as I had ever been . I wasn’t suicidal but I was definitely tired of life and ready to go
Home. I was crushed and heartbroken.

As those first painful days grew into weeks and months I began to believe God was going to do a miracle,
after all that’s what our God does. If he can cause the blind to see, the deaf to hear, the lame to walk and
can even bring the dead back to life then it would be nothing for him to change a human heart, right? I
convinced myself, God was going to save my marriage.

As the next few months went by there were signs from my wife that maybe we could work things out
juxtaposed by signs that made it perfectly clear it was over. Regardless of how hopeful or hopeless things
seemed I believed God was going to do something amazing. In the end He appeared to do nothing. He
seemingly sat back and watched as my wife signed the divorce papers. How could my good God, a God who
hates divorce, a God full of mercy, grace, compassion and love, let this happen? I believed he could have
saved my marriage but he chose not to. It didn’t make sense. At least it didn’t make sense to me.

I found myself starting to feel resentment toward my King. I was bitter and thought the age old, “Why me?”
Until one day at lunch a close friend grabbed my hand, took a pen and wrote the words, “Job 42:1-5”.
Reading of Jobs trials and tribulations while in the midst of my own was a no brainer. In fact, I had read quite
a bit of Job over the last nine months, but still I wasn’t prepared for what I read.

Then Job answered the LORD and said,
"I know that You can do all things, And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?' "Therefore I have declared that which I did not
understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."
'Hear, now, and I will speak; I will ask You, and You instruct me.'
"I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You;
Job 42:1-5

How could Job have been so submissive and humble without the slightest hint of indignation toward the God
who allowed his calamity to take place? In fact Job had a lot more of a beef with God than I did. I had made
choices which had consequences. Even though God could have lessened those consequences by saving
the marriage I had freely entered into that marriage. But Job’s troubles came from no apparent choices that
he had made. In fact, right from the beginning of the book of Job we are told that Job is a man that is
“perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.” (Job 1:1) So from my viewpoint it would
have been understandable for Job to react with anger or a hateful attitude directed toward God, but there
was only submission.

As I read and studied Job 42:1-5 I reminded myself that as perfect and upright as he was, Job was still a
human being, just like me. I’m sure he was tempted to feel anger. What was different? I think it goes back
to Job’s first action upon hearing he had lost his oxen, donkeys, sheep, camels, servants and children.

He worshipped!

Wait, wait, he did what?

He worshipped. Upon hearing of the devastation God had brought to him, Job’s reaction is to tell God how
wonderful He is. I hadn’t thought of that. I knew I needed to pray, to open up my Bible and allow God to
speak to me. But when I hung up with the attorney it never crossed my mind to stop and sing of the
greatness of God. It’s easy to worship God when life is bliss, but its more important to worship God when its
not. You see an amazing transformation take place as Job worshipped. His perspective changed. Getting
his mind and heart upon God immediately after the awful news enabled Job to see the bigger picture. He still
grieved, is still in mourning but now can say, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return
there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD."

We struggle through life. Some times its good sometimes its not. Sometimes its so bad we are tempted to
look at God and ask, Why? It doesn’t seem fair. Remember God is sovereign. He has purpose and plan for
everything that happens. Nothing happens apart from Him and His purpose. I don’t know about you but I
find comfort and peace in that truth. A comfort and peace that seems to present itself even more so when I
worship in the midst of my pain.

Cameron Mills is a former member of the University of Kentucky basketball team. He now travels doing basketball camps and motivational
speaking.

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